Say What?
by Aaron Smiley
Summary: A couple of things you never thought you'd hear come out of the Green Guys' mouths. Don't worry. It's all clean.
1. Chapter 1

**...Say What?**

Inspired by Kali Gargoyle's compilation of "Things a TMNT character would never say." It can be found on her Website.

Disclaimer: I do not own any persons or mutants of the TMNT world.

_ Author's Note: Ok it's not really a story, but I was inspired and these things kept popping into my head and I just had to post it! __Shh I won't tell if you won't :_ - D _I swear, if anyone complains I'll take it down, and try to convert it to story form, but it wouldn't be funny anymore if I did. __Just give it a chance..._

_PS all italics from here-on-out are songs. _

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**Things you will never hear the TMNT say:**

Leo: I've decided to abdicate my role as unofficial leader. Raph, you take over.

Mike: It's ok guys, I'm full, you eat the last slice of pizza.

Raph: I have a well, thought out plan.

Don: Wonder what'll happen if I stick this fork into that electrical outlet in the wall...

Leo: Bye guys! I'm off to join the circus!

Mike: I'm sorry, I can't eat this. This pizza is way to cheesy.

Raph: I've decided never to swear again.

Splinter: My sons, I believe we should take the day off and go to disneyland.  
Mike: Why would you want to do that?  
Splinter: I wish to converse with other giant rodents.

Raph: I think I'd like to change my favorite color to pink. Yeah!...Maybe I could get a new pink bandana to wear, too.

Shredder: No wonder no one likes to hug me at family reunions, I've got all this pointy armor on!

Don: I'm sorry, I didn't quite get all that science mumbo jumbo. Could you explain it in English please?

Splinter: Today's lesson is on the ancient art of Belching. Watch carefully, my sons, BURRRRP!

Raph: (singing in the shower) _Rubber Ducky you're the one! You make bath time lots of fun!_

Don: (holds up his shell cell) What does this do? (he begins banging it on a nearby table. It starts ringing) Hello? Hello? Hello! How do you answer this thing?

Casey: I've decided to give up sports and become an accountant.

Raph: (Still singing in the shower) _Rubber Ducky joy of joys, When I squeeze you, you make noise!_

April: Hmm...Casey Jones...Indiana Jones...I wonder if there's a family connection?

Leo: Forget all that talk about strategy, I say we just kick the shell outta them.

Shredder: Hun, I find trying to exterminate the turtles boring and much too overrated. I think I'd like to devote my life to the study of Jello. I mean, is it alive or isn't it?

Don: _Oh if I only had a brain..._

Baxter Stockman: (Back in the beginning of Season 1): _Oh if I only was a brain..._

Shredder: Stockman! Forget building all that Foot tech ninja and rocket junk. Create a hot chocolate machine with a mini marshmellow dispenser!

Hun: Maybe I shouldn't have gotten such huge tattoos.

April: Hey, Leo, do you think you could lure some more foot ninjas back to my apartment and antique shop so they can burn it down again?

Cha'rell (Utrom Shredder): Hey, this asteroid is kinda nice. A couple of bean bag chairs, a few throw pillows, a big screen TV and I'm set.

Don: Guys, I've misplaced my computer.

Leo: Let's ditch practice today and take the Battleshell for a joyride.

Mike: I'm sending all my comic books and video games to Shredder, he must be lonely on that asteroid.

Raph: Hey, Leo I'd to hear your opinion...

Don: Clearly, Mike is much more intelligent than I could ever hope to be.

Splinter: My sons, I believe that we should look into getting a pet. How about a python?

Raph: Violence is not the answer.  
Leo: But it's a solution! (punches Raph)

Mike: It's too bad that we can't sit in a quiet learning environment among other scholars our age for eight hours a day.  
Don: Who the shell'd want to go to school.

Leo: (mesmorized by a lava lamp) Oooh! pretty bubbles...

Ch'rell: (looking back at earth from his asteroid): _It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all..._

Splinter: Who ate my cheese?

Raph: Who wants to make S'mores? We can use my sais!

April: I'm closing down my antique shop to work at Sports Chalet.

Don: What's wrong April?  
April: (sob) I dyed my hair maroon and no one noticed! (sob)

Utroms: (like the little green aliens in Toy Story) Ooooooooo!

A Hord of Foot Soldiers: (drop from a building into an darkened alley infront of the turtles. A big bass sound is heard. **Bum Bum Bum**) _It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A. It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A-ay!_ (complete with hand motions)

Hun: Who wants a piggyback ride?

Don: Maybe I should ask April out, whaddaya think?  
Casey: Go for it!

PurpleDragon #1: Hey! It's those turtle freaks.  
Purple Dragon #2: Don't be rude, wave hi. Hi!


	2. There's More!

_Ok, I've been dying to put these up! Hope you all enjoy them! But let's just get on with them shall we?_

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Shredder: Perhaps I have been too violent in trying to vanquish the turtles. Yes, I believe I should send them a letter, some flowers and hope that they will leave my evil schemes in peace.

Bishop: Tell the President I am a fiend who wishes to beg for his mercy.

Hun: gasp Hurray! It's girl scout cookie season!

Ninja thing from Big Brawl sneaking up on Usagai: puts a finger to where his lips would be Shh! Be vewy vewy qwuiet. I'm huntin' wabbits! huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh...

Karai: Father, being evil is stupid. Avenge yourself, I'm leaving!

Leo: I think I may be ADD.

Mike: I'm tired, I think I'll go to bed early tonight.

Raph: Patience is the answer.

Karai: Hunk of junk! throws the heart of Tengu out the window

Klunk: Woof

Raph: I'm going to sit quietly in my room and contemplate life the universe and everything.

Hun: Does this outfit make me look fat?

Mikey: Oo!Oo!Oo! Can I do the dishes? Please? Please!

Raph: Oh my goodness gracious my muffins are burning!

Leo: What? Huh? Yeah, whatever, Master Splinter...

Don: I've found my calling in life: plumbing!

Hun: that's a totally mondo awesome idea master!

Raph: Ah. Gardening. Cleanses the soul.

Leo: You know what? I don't really think I want to be a ninja...

Mike: Life is so pointless... melodramatic sigh

Shredder: Has anyone seen my platform shoes? If not, just hang me from the ceiling and I'll be the disco ball!

Leo: Let's see if Oprah's on.

Mike: Hmmm... Wheat grass or soy milk; I just can't decide...

Don: I have nothing important to say at this time.

Bishop: What? The turtles are here? Ok, we can just leave, then.

Leo: But I want my blanky and I want it NOW!

Raph: Hey guys! I just got us five tickets to the Russian Ballet!

Casey: What is the point of hockey? I mean really? All you do is chase after a stupid little puck. Now figure skating, that's a real sport!

Bishop (to employee): Make sure we send Splinter and the turtles a nice fruit basket this Christmas.

Karai: Oh Honey Hun! Let's go map out our wedding plans, Sweetie.

April: Oh, by the way, I invited Bishop and his crew to Thanksgiving dinner. I hope that's ok with everyone.

Raph: It's Teletubby time!

April: sigh If only I, too, could be a mutant...

Don: Howdy there, April, you looking mighty fine this morning.  
April: Really?  
Don: (nods) Darn tootin'.

Raph, Leo, Don and Mikey climbing into the battleshell : Ninja Turtles AWAY!(you have to be a Rescue Rangers fan to completely understand the joke)

Raph: 'Ello! I am an Eskimo! Hear me roar!

Mike: Burn comic books! BURN! Mwahahahahahahahaha!

Splinter (to turtle tots): Aww, run around on the surface, see if I care, but if you get caught by an evil scientist, you're on your own!

April: Don is _such_ a stud muffin. sigh

Mike: Don! These calculations are completely wrong! Here, let me re-do them for you.

Raph: Ok, like, I was at the mall the other day and, like, there was this guy that, like, was, like, looking at me all, like, evilly so I, like, took him down!

Bishop (absorbed with the toys on his desk): _Weebles wobble but they don't fall down!_

Don: I figure I can become a psychologist simply by studying hours of taped Dr. Phil shows! Wanna watch with me, Klunk?

Mike: Oh sorry, that was me. I left the toilet seat up. My bad.

Raph: Crikey! I just remembered I've got a jar of Veg-o-mite hidden under my bed!

Bishop (interragating Mikey on a dissecting table) : What's the cheat code to get to level 10 of Galactic Invaders  
Mikey: I'll never tell!

Leo: I'm experimenting with different fashion styles. Today I think I'll be gothic, tomorrow punk and then I'll try a designer look.

Hun: Have you called Jenny yet?

Karai: Hun! How would you and the foot ninja feel about Free Dress Fridays?

Leo (walks up to Karai): What would _you _do for a Klondike bar?

AND NOW FOR A VERY SPECIAL APPEARANCE: HERE'S SOME FUNNY ONES THAT VIRTUAL WENROG SENT ME A LOOOONG WHILE BACK. I THINK THEY'RE HILARIOUS! ENJOY!

Shredder (holding sword): Karai! The force is with you!

Hun: Master do you think my pony tail's cool?

Hun: The sum of the square root of a cube four by four by twelve point five times and the surface area of a triangle which all sides equal pi times pi again minus my shoe size (x or maybe even y in this case) is the correct answer of 56342.8801 squared and rounded off.

(Fugitoid runs into alleyway)  
Triceratons: Surrender yourself!  
(a disco ball floats down and the Fugitoid is dressed up as a rapper. He starts playing and scratching some records)  
Fugitiod: PARTY TIME, DUDES! RAWK ON!

Baxter Stockman: You're right! You ARE smarter then me.

Mikey: Do you want my Battle Nexus trophy Raph? I think you were the one that really should have won it, not me.

Casey: I LOVE YOU APRIL! I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!

Creature From Dragon's Brew ( dangling on the dock and looking sad but then suddenly grins and sings ): Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! Who's absorbent and yellow and porous is he? SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

Leo: Mmm. Cheese. I love cheese. Lets all eat cheese! CHEESE!

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_Please Oh Please Oh please REVIEW! (I'm being extra special polite! ( Clapsp hands together and grins big with big puppy dog eyes)_


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